[We interrupt our regular programming to add this important memorandum to Randy Kuhl's chief of staff.]
Dear Bob,
I have to say that I'm surprised by this junket blow-up. Up until now, I was pretty impressed with how things were going on planet Kuhl. Your new press secretary is doing a good job, and Randy's blog is a nice addition to his website. After a bumpy start, the town meetings went well. I was figuring that things would be quiet around here until after Christmas.
But, Bob, I'm afraid you missed the principal lesson of the last campaign, which was to keep Randy the hell off of military airplanes. The last time he went up on one of those damn things, he gave Massa quotes that the guy still repeats today. This time, he's in trouble before even opening his mouth. I'm guessing that Massa's already planning campaign ads about Randy's first-class vacation South of the Equator.
I've added a little table after the jump that you should study very carefully. It's a list of everyone who headed down to Rio for a little sun and distilled sugarcane (and I don't mean ethanol, if you get my drift.) You'll notice that one of these things is not like the other, and that one thing is your boss Randy. Unlike the rest of the motley crew that went down to shop and see waterfalls, Randy isn't in a safe seat. Everyone else kicked double-digit ass in 2006, so they've earned the right to screw the taxpayers any way they want. Randy doesn't have that luxury.
See, the way it works in the House is that you take these trips when you have what they call a "safe seat". That's the kind where you need to end up in bed with a live boy or a dead girl (or the other way around for the ladies) before you start worrying about losing your seat. Randy doesn't have it that good, not by a longshot. He needs to watch his p's and q's, especially since they're going to elect a new Decider next year, which always gets more Democrats off the couch come election day.
So, Bob, I think you need to tighten things up at Chez Kuhl if you don't want to be polishing your resume this time next year.
Sincerely,
Your Internet Pal, Rottenchester
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}P.S. Here's the table I was talking about:
Vacationer
Party
District
# of Terms
Re-Elect %
Marsha Blackburn |
R |
TN-7 |
3 |
34% |
Ben Chandler |
D |
KY-6 |
2 |
70% |
Eliot Engel |
D |
NY-17 |
10 |
52% |
Virginia Foxx |
R |
NC-5 |
2 |
14% |
Bob Inglis |
R |
SC-4 |
3+2 |
32% |
Sheila Jackson-Lee |
D |
TX-18 |
7 |
58% |
Randy Kuhl |
R |
NY-29 |
2 |
4% |
Gregory Meeks |
D |
NY-6 |
5 |
Unopposed |
Randy Neugebauer |
R |
TX-19 |
3 |
38% |
John Salazar |
D |
CO-3 |
2 |
24% |
Cliff Stearns |
R |
FL-6 |
10 |
20% |
Update: The original table left out Bob Inglis. Why 3+2? Bob ran on a term limits platform, so he took a break in the late 90's. After term limits weren't an issue anymore, he got right back in.